Part 2. So you seem to be good at giving advice in general. So I was wondering have you ever lost someone close to you and if so how did you deal with it? My platonic soul mate. We were more than friends and he was gay, I'm a lesbian so we didn't have a sexual relationship. He killed himself last Sunday and I'm in college for grief counseling but nothing prepared me for losing him. I need him and I just can't accept that he is gone. If you aren't comfortable answering this that is ok too
I’m so sorry for your loss. The closest person I’ve ever lost was my grandmother, and even she wasn’t as close as a really good friend. It was still so difficult, though. I was only 15 at the time, and unable to process it very well or think about it much at all. I felt numb at first - it was almost impossible to believe it had happened. Going through the week of the wake and funeral was almost like a dream, nothing felt real.
There was finally a moment at the end of the week when the dam broke and it all hit me at once, and I couldn’t hold back the tears. It was awful to lose someone who had been there for me throughout my entire life - unbearable. A couple days after that, I remember my mother and sister and I went to an Old Country Buffet and just sat there, in shock, so quiet, feeling almost like the world had ended.
And then every day after that meant waking up and having to remember, again, that she was gone. And I guess it just kept going like that, until eventually I got used to it, and we - somehow - managed not to think about it so much, and the pain started to fade. But at the time, it was unimaginable that I would ever get past it.
I’m sorry, I don’t know if this is helpful at all. That’s just what it was like for me. I hope others here will share their experiences and offer their support as well. Please take care of yourself and make sure you’re safe and well. Again, I’m so sorry.
Such a random chaos story/question in 2 parts... 1. I read the post you made about getting your blood drawn. Oh my god, I simply adore getting my blood drawn, but I had leukemia and complications with leukemia so I had to get it drawn several times a Day for the first year. So I got use to it and learned to love it. I also like getting shots. The more painful the shot the more I like it. Is that weird? The other part will have to be in another question question.
Glad to hear you’re doing better these days - my dad had leukemia and my stepdad had lymphoma and the prognosis was pretty poor for both, but they made it, and they’re both considered cured. Honestly, I only like it when it doesn’t hurt too much. That’s the only time I can relax and enjoy it. I once had someone dig around and drag a needle back and forth in my arm while trying to do an IV, and that was really rough and not enjoyable at all.
I feel like I am a non-binary person (agender, I think, I'm not sure yet, it's all very confusing for me). But I like having long hair and not looking androgynous. I just feel like a fake some times because I don't look like what I think non-binary people are some times thought to look like. I don't know if my ramblings even make sense. sorry. :/
Well, there is no one way that nonbinary people look - just like there’s no one way that all men or all women look. Looking a certain way doesn’t mean you aren’t nonbinary, just like it wouldn’t mean someone isn’t a man or a woman. You’re not a fake. You’re nonbinary - so what do nonbinary people look like? Of all the ways nonbinary people can look, this includes the way you look - because you’re nonbinary.
RE: previous anon. Think and wonder what you want, but remember the general rule -- you wouldn't randomy ask a cis person you just met a random question about their genitals. So why should you ask that from a trans person?
Is it still transphobic to wonder what the genetalia is like of the trans person you just met, if you wonder the same thing about everyone you meet?
I mean, if you’re the kind of person who wonders how long everyone’s dick is, or what color everyone’s labia are, then yeah, I imagine that would just be par for the course. But, in that vein, you probably shouldn’t say it out loud?
how do you feel about people who don't experience dysphoria(social or physical) claiming to be trans?
I’m pretty sure that if someone identifies or lives as a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth, they are trans, not just “claiming to be” trans. I mean, would it make any sense to call them cis? So that’s how I feel about that.
hey zinnia, i ran into your post about "knowing" (#einstein rosen bridge) and i just wanted to say thanks. there is a split for me and how i see/saw my life between when i realized i was trans and before i realized it could be a thing. pretty much everything "before" is gone but i was never able to put it into words for myself. anyway, it was an incredibly important realization for me and i wanted to share with you my appreciation. -ire
Thanks! I’m increasingly feeling that self-realization is one of the most challenging parts of transition. The obstacles to it are as systemic and deeply-rooted and pervasive as any of the more concrete legal and medical obstacles. Giving people the background information to recognize that transness is even an option is so, so important.
(Drunk girl here again): also, I am super jealous of yr doctor. Mine just sent me to an Endo who didn't think I needed anti androgens because I'd had laser hair removal and had good skin (read: know how to makeup). I mostly have to manage my hormone doses myself. :/
Yikes, that’s rough :\ I’m lucky my doc seems to know what she’s doing. Sorry you have to deal with that.
Huger doses of micronised progesterone makes me capital D drunk; to the point that I am still dizzy the next morning. But I tend to react strongly to everything. Also, so much more breast growth! P is the best
Awesome! Looking forward to bigger bouncier boobs. I take mine in the morning and I tend to do alright, but we’ll see what happens with the new dose.
So this is the part where I ask other trans women what their experiences have been with increasing their dose of micronized progesterone, and how much this helped with their breast growth, and any other effects it has.
On that note, who else really really likes feeling the blood being pulled out of your arm and watching as it keeps filling vial after vial after vial? It’s kind of relaxing but also kind of exciting and squirmy and tickly and a really controlled breaching of a boundary of the body.
The other day, I actually found some full-body photos we took on the day I started HRT about 14-15 months ago. After this much time, the differences are pretty much ridiculous. I had such a flat butt, and my legs were covered in dark hair, and I had no chest - no muscle, no fat, nothing - and my genitals were just disgustingly huge and dangly (girlcock is superior, for real), and my face looked all weird. And I was really thin. Like, ew. Things have gotten so much better since then.
I don't know if you've answered this before, and please feel free not to answer if it's rude or invasive, but I didn't know you used to ID as a gay dude. So, monosexually inclined towards men. Is IDing as a lesbian now an example of sexual fluidity, or like...? (this is hard to explain sorry)
I don’t think I was ever monosexually inclined toward men - just bisexually inclined and choosing to ignore the part that liked women. I assumed I had to be a gay guy because, when you’re AMAB and really femme, that’s what society tends to suggest you are. So that’s what I thought was going on before I figured out I was a woman. I think, at that point, I actually had a moment where I was like “yay I don’t have to refrain from being with women for the sake of preserving my gay-dude-ness!”
What is the douche-y-est thing an ex has said to you?
He told me I had a “girl butt” and nobody would love me. I was like 18 at the time and I was still under the delusion that I was a gay guy. What he said didn’t bother me. What bothered me was the implication that having a “girl butt” was a bad thing.
Have you had any trouble with injuries since getting your t-count down? I have had a nightmare of trouble with repetitive strain injuries, and I haven't been able to find any useful information on whether reducing my t-count has worsened my risks and prevented healing.
I’m not really sure about this. Sometimes my hand gets a bit sore, or my hamstring, or my foot starts cramping if I flex it the wrong way, or my neck and shoulder feel strained and spasm-y from reaching too far to grab something… things like that. I assumed I was just getting old.