Some shit I wrote on my blog exactly 3 years ago:
"I think I may just present in full girl mode for the duration. Name, attire, pronouns, the whole bit. I doubt anyone will know who Zinnia is, because Zinnia technically isn’t."
god dammit pretrans Lauren *sigh*
I’m actually getting all emotional over how my phone’s battery is in the red and it’s begging to be charged but I gave Heather the charger for the day and I’m just totally helpless to do anything for it. Like it trusts me to take care of it and I’m letting it down. So I’m just turning it off out of mercy so it doesn’t have to go dead because I couldn’t charge it in time.
Goddammit progesterone, what even is all this.
So I had this pretty ridiculous dream that was just very me. For some reason, me and three other random friends (they didn’t have specific identities, I just knew they were friends of some sort, probably from the internet) were touring an Army base. At some point during this, the tour guide left to attend to something more urgent, and we were just standing there next to… the room where they keep all the nuclear weapons.
The room where they keep all the nukes was about the size and configuration of a wooden storage shed, with a lone lightbulb hanging on a string from the ceiling, and a dusty wood floor. Also, all the nukes were just these little olive-green metal lunchboxes, stacked up around the room.
So of course the first thought that my friends and I have is, ha ha, what if we stole one of the nukes? I mean, no one’s watching, and they’re all just right there. It would be so easy! Anyway, this escalated to one of us actually grabbing one of the little nukes, and they stashed it in their purse. And we just walked off with it, because we could.
Eventually, some time later, the excitement of it wore off and we realized that, oh, we did just steal a nuclear weapon from the Army. And probably everyone in the world is about to come after us with overwhelming firepower. But what were we supposed to do? Just sit around and wait to get caught? Return it to them voluntarily and admit we stole it and probably go to prison forever?
So we dashed all around to every corner of the country, never stopping in one place for long enough for anyone to catch us. The feeling of fear at getting caught with it, and generally just not knowing what to do about the situation we’d unwisely gotten ourselves into in a moment of impulsive decisions, was strong. It was night, and raining, this entire time.
Anyway, eventually a huge mass of cops did catch up to us, by literally popping up out of secret compartments in the roads that we didn’t even know were there. Through some twist, one or two of the people I was with were assumed to be responsible for it, and everyone just assumed I was the good person who was helping to lead the authorities to the people who stole a nuke. So I pretty much got off scott-free in the end.
I don’t know what the hell with my dreams. But stealing nukes as a proof of concept, and then getting in over their heads, definitely seems like something that some of my friends might get themselves into.
"i just dont like when guys dress and act like girls."
I’m not as offended as I am outright bemused when cis, straight people act like their views on these things should matter at all. I mean, where did they get the idea that their shitty opinions of us should matter at all, or are worth sharing? What makes them assume anyone cares what they think? Hooray, you don’t like some queer people - this is relevant to our lives, how? Get over yourself - you’re not the only person on earth and we’re not some channel for you to change.